how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
