I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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