dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
