Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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