these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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