i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
