I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
