I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
