I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
