genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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