Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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