There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
