your room smells of hookers.
And success
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
did i walk over a car last night?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
