Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
