You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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