Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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