actually, I'm a sock model
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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