Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
