There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
