saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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