Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize