You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
