you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
