so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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