that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
