Your face is a jimmy john
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
