weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He felt like a one man threesome
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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