i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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