well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i out mim tonsoeep
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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