We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
