youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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