Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
