remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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