It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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