in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
