i need an iv and a liver transplant
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
