SEEEEXXX PLEASE
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
