Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
