If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
