but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
