I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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