1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
