So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize