Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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