from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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