My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
