Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
