There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
