16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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