I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
