So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's never too late to be topless.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
