You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
