Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
