i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So. Much. Porn.
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