Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
