He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
