Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
