y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
