If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
