wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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