batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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