Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
