In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
What a dumb baby whore.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
