M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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