My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
