we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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