She's JV to your varsity
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
