Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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