Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
