I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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