I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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