Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
