Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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