he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
