he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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