Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
All the doctor said was why
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
